I think 14 months between posts is a refreshing alternative to assuming people want you in their face every other day. I mean, how much of my insouciant charm do you need?
Ahem. Awkward moment. I'm not really buying it either.
Ok, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just that, well, life got way too terrifying. My brave-in-the-face-of-advesity face, well, it melted in the face of the extended-dance-remix nightmare my life became. The long dark night of the soul, blah, blah, blah. Basically, I can deal with anything as long as I can laugh about it. And it turns out, things were very, very unfunny for a long while.
And, truthfully, it's not all peaches and cream now. But, the peculiar thing that happens mid-disaster is that you finally see the wisdom (or inevitability) of surrendering to it. After barely surviving 2008, I zoned out and endured 2009. And when I woke up in 2010 I was just plain ole sick of feeling oppressed. So, I let it all go. I decided my life was mine to drive, life is short, break the whole thing apart and make something new. And once I stopped being afraid, a lot of clarity came.
What does all that gobilty gook mean? I have no idea. But I do know I stopped desparately trying to super glue my old life back together. I ceased and desisted in trying to find meaning on why things happen. It does not matter. What was, is gone. What is left I can make a life of, or start over. All I know is I stopped struggling and it got better. (Am I dead? No? Really? Ok, ok, just checking.)
So, that is my vague explanation for my year plus hiatus. Life is complicated, painful, and often sad. And yet I still feel like I am a joyful person, enjoy the sublime pleasure of a perfect slice of watermelon with a squeeze of lime juice on it, and have the greatest friends in the world.
Now, let's get back to trailer-related fun and off of this maudlin track. Sheesh. Finally.